作为专注于儿童棒球的教育机构,我们总是在赛场上用“Never give up!”来鼓励每个孩子,甚至把这句话印在他们的T-shirt上。孩子们参加我们活动最大的收获,也莫过于在培养坚韧性格方面得到了很好的锤炼。家长普遍认为这比体锻和棒球还有价值。出现这样的欢迎度,倒不是偶然,而是因为我们自己的坚持,赶上了目前非常时髦的教育概念–“Grit Education,坚韧教育”。如何塑造孩子“Grit”性格,正在美国引发社交媒体上空前热烈讨论,很多学校建立起相关的工作室,各教育机构也纷纷开发Grit培训课程。在这里,我们也“重拾”坚韧教育的新话题,和各位家长讨论。

性格越来越决定命运

性格越来越决定命运,情商越来越重于智商,这不是简单的成人领域成功学的延伸,而是社会发展、技术和教育环境进化带来的趋势。培养要趁早,这一点大家都同意,老话就有“从小看看,到老一半”的说法。但把时间和方向放在哪个侧重点上,是尽早唤醒与生俱来的智商能力,加以认知技能如算术、英语的练习;还是尽早培养孩子重要性格特质,如毅力、自控、勇气、自信等,常常给家长带来疑惑。近来经济学家、教育家、心理学家和神经科学家等各个不同领域的专家的研究结论,都指向投资后者,即认为性格培养是决定孩子成功的关键因素,而如果幼年时在知识的灌输上花时间则回报率较低。

一个方面的原因是单纯知识的获取会变得越来越容易。在互联网时代成长起来的孩子会感觉任何自己感兴趣的“信息”(其中包括很多整理好的知识)是随处可见,并且触手可及的。得益于计算机技术特别是人机交互技术的进步,一个学龄前的孩子,就可以独立操作iPad上的英语、音乐等学习课件。一个小学中低年级的孩子,就可以独立完成网上搜索课外阅读材料(甚至还可以顺便关心一下某位好声音学员是否被淘汰)。当他们向家长提个自然知识的问题觉察到回答有些犹豫时,会马上会追问“爸爸,你手机百度过了吗?”信息时代的孩子是幸福的,无需背负沉重的知识行囊就可以轻装上路,而知识可以沿途随时按需所取,能走多远的路,能攀多高的峰完全取决于设定目标的境界和完成目标的坚持。

另一个方面的原因是培养性格需要大量的时间投资。知识的获取和时间的投入可以有比较线性的关系,俗称一分耕耘一分收获。但性格的养成不一定。有一个孩子在学校的钢琴演奏会的精彩表现中获得了自信,这种自信为后来中考全区第一提供了强大的动力。但钢琴自信的顿悟是背后大量的枯燥练习,中途经历无数困难和数度准备放弃,最后在特殊情境体验下获得的。很多家长和孩子都没有长期保持性格培养的耐心,坚持到柳暗花明的一刻,而是转身追求知识获取的确定性了。也有很多智慧的家长,已经把知识技能的培养有意识的当作性格培养的载体或者二者结合。比如说谈钢琴,很多家长已经超脱了考级之路,不指望孩子成为音乐家和钢琴家,而是更加注重孩子练习时养成坚持面对困难、克服困难的习惯。

Grit是性格的基石

坚韧教育几乎可以是任何性格养成的前提,但又是最难的部分。剔除个性中的各种缺陷,在性格中注入各种正能量,这些把偶发行为练成习惯,再把习惯养成性格,少不了不放弃的坚持。

要坚持就得懂得克服困难。而如今在优越环境中长大的孩子,克服挫折的能力很难得到充分锻炼,或者说有可能被高估了。因为在成长的过程中,他们这一代比以往任何时代都更少面对失败。虽然他们学习压力也不小,但实际上他们接受教育的过程比以往任何一代人都更容易。他们在家中和学校受到过度保护,很少遭遇困境。他们往往可以根据喜好自由选择公立或私立学校,在任何年龄段选择留在国内或是去海外继续学业。在课外,他们可以任意选择各种类型的课外课程。一到寒暑假,家长更是展示出堪比五角大楼的全球特勤投放能力。今天还在故宫博物馆参观,明天就可能出现在卢浮宫的胜利女神雕像前,下周又会在波士顿红袜队的训练营接受球星指导。求学之路没有了寒窗苦读的历练,多的只是在路上看风景的心情。孩子的时间和父母的精力没有足够花在性格培养上,而是大多数停留在了比较简单的(可以说未来会越来越简单的)没有任何压力的见识的增加上。

2013年宾夕法尼亚大学心理学教授Angela Duckworth在TED的演讲真正引起教育界对“Grit”的关注(视频网址:http://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit)。从2005年起,Angela对数以千计的高中生进行了调研,并跟随西点军校、全国拼字比赛冠军、国内一流大学等进行观察和分析,她发现:无论在何种情况下,比起智力、学习成绩或者长相,坚韧是最为可靠的预示成功的指标。Angela这样定义Grit:向着长期的目标,坚持自己的激情,即便历经失败,依然能够坚持不懈地努力下去,这种品质就叫做坚韧。不像智商是与生俱来的,坚韧品质是每个人都可以也是需要特别锻炼和开发的。Angela和她的团队制定了测量“坚韧指数”的工具,帮助家长和学生培养坚韧。她的课堂,往往要让孩子在学习中面对更多挣扎和冒险,而不只是直接获得正确答案。这些训练将有助于他将来在任何领域获得成功。

塑造Grit就是明确责任,不讲借口

任何课外机构和活动都代替不了孩子在正规学校的学业努力中进行性格锻炼(附带也全面学习了知识)。家长不能指望校内不足校外补,Grit养成更是如此。如果孩子习惯于父母安排的一个接一个“教育节目”,往往会让孩子忽略在正规学业中的自身学习责任(关于学习的责任问题可以借鉴奥巴马开学演讲http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNjA1NzA3MTg0.html?from=y1.2-1-87.3.1-2.1-1-1-0)

一个教书超过35年的教师曾经说,那些学习上存在问题的学生的差劲表现是各式各样的,但是他们(包括他们的父母)都有个非常相似的共同点,那就是对外部环境过于敏感,比如,认为班主任管得过严或过松,或者自己座位太靠前或太靠后,喜欢或不喜欢某个任课老师或是自己前后左右的某个同学等等。他们往往忽视了同样的条件下也有大量的优秀学生,只是这些外部的小麻烦不足以打扰到更加Grit一点的优秀学生。

没有自身学习责任就没有Grit,自己关于外部的借口太多就是Grit不足。家长要明确对孩子在学校表现的期望,要让孩子知道,并且要适时的督促孩子进步。比如,当孩子学习困难课程时,适时地推动孩子,制定时间表,然后鼓励孩子坚持,特别在由好奇心和新鲜感推动的入门阶段结束后,仍然能监督孩子反复练习,让他们自己能体会到更好的下一个境界。虽然一开始孩子可能会抱怨增多,但如果你很坚定,他的抱怨会日渐减少,练习的乐趣反而会与日俱增。

Grit就是不要在有负面情绪的时候结束

真正的成功往往发生在人们突破边界和障碍的时候。如果你的孩子一直没有机会战胜一些困难,他可能永远不会具备面对挑战的自信。主动体验冒险和障碍,有意识地去体验由于失败带来的不可避免的沮丧感觉,是孩子练习Grit的一个重要途径。

曾经有一个家长告诉我们,她带孩子来学习棒球,就是为了培养自信,而自信是男孩最重要的性格特征。但不幸的是,这个孩子的球队在半决赛的时候被淘汰了(其实成绩也不错了),没有机会登上最高的领奖台,孩子非常沮丧。家长也有抱怨,认为花了大量时间和精力,感到非常不值得。把目标定得高到夺冠我们认为也是没有问题的,但那就意味着要准备克服更多的困难,付出更多的坚持,更加考验面对挫折和一些外界因素时的态度。自信不是靠获得胜利去证明存在,而是在追求胜利的过程中养成的体会坚韧力量的能力。Angela在演讲中提到,具有坚韧品质的孩子会有一种不断坚持下来的思维模式,这种思维模式表现为他们会更相信失败是暂时的现象,不会永久存在。

我们不能害怕孩子有负面情绪会放弃就去给孩子营造虚幻的成就感,让孩子觉得自己事事成功,但实际上并没有学会面对失败,导致在真正失败到来时一蹶不振的放弃。终究在金字塔尖的永远是一个比例,既然明确这样的目标就要在困难时也不放弃攀登。当孩子在挫折中挣扎一段时间,必然会突破到一个新的境界,这种坚持带来的阶段性的成就会带来真正的自信。而碰到挫折在产生负面情绪时放弃,就品尝不到下个阶段的喜悦,挫折感和不自信就真的变成长久不愉快的记忆。

当我们夸孩子“聪明”的时候也需要特别小心了。不要让孩子觉得自己很多才能是与生俱来的,擅长什么或不擅长什么,皆是因天赋所致。这可能会导致孩子养成轻易放弃的习惯。实际上,即便是天才也需要通过不懈的努力来磨练自己的天赋。一定要让孩子知道自己取得的成就是和不放弃的努力直接相关的。

枯燥是另一个考验孩子Grit的场景:重复的音阶和指法训练,大量的口算心算练习,一篇一篇的练字,经常没有球可以处理的外场防守,成功的取得显得漫长又无聊。要让孩子明白这些都是坚韧旅程的一部分,要坚守自己的责任,任务一定要完成到底。严格的纪律和规则以及家长的督促会派上用场,帮助孩子更有毅力坚持下去。在孩子遇到困难并且迷茫时,也需要抑制住直接给他一个解决方案的冲动,不如看看他自己能否渡过难关。可以试图启发他自己思考解决方案,而不是直接告诉他怎么办。这样的锻炼也可以让孩子养成一种自信——“嘿,我自己能解决。”

和孩子分享自己失败的经历

从失败中站起来继续前进,这是孩子所能学到的最好的能力。分享你自己的奋斗故事,让孩子们从周围的成年人身上学习。所以,如果你希望你的孩子能够用感恩的心态对待失败,那么请父母首先用冷静和淡定的心态看待自己的失败。

很多家长不愿意在孩子面前谈论自己的失败,但是这样也使孩子失去了一个机会——学习父母从失败中崛起的强大经验。如果孩子看到,成人可以把事情弄得乱七八糟,然后再回来解决问题,这对孩子来说是很重要的案例,他们会学到,失败没有那么可怕。

可以带他们看看成人的比赛,比如我们组织的家长队的比赛,让他们看看父母们很多时候也会被杀出局,垂头丧气,满面羞辱地走回球员休息区,这段路显得无比漫长。但是大人们更加懂得失败带来的不适和障碍是很自然的事,是生活或比赛中经常发生的事,是无法改变的客观存在。重要的是他们会很快从心理上走出失败,继续追寻下一个打席的希望。

秋季联赛就要拉开帷幕。根据我们四个赛季的经验,一次大型的比赛下来,可以激发很多很多孩子投入运动的热情,也会导致一些孩子在负面的情绪中放弃,或是自认为强者不能夺冠抱憾而去,或是自认为弱者提高无望绝望离开。这也是考验我们家长Grit的时候。只有我们更加Grit,孩子才能Grit,这也许是Grit Education最关键的要义。

附一:维基百科Grit定义

Grit in psychology is a positive, non-cognitive trait based on an individual’s passion for a particular long-term goal or endstate coupled with a powerful motivation to achieve their respective objective. This perseverance of effort promotes the overcoming of obstacles or challenges that lie within a gritty individual’s path to accomplishment and serves as a driving force in achievement realization.

附二:Angela Duckworth TED 演讲全文

When I was 27 years old, I left a very demanding job in management consulting for a job that was even more demanding: teaching. I went to teach seventh graders math in the New York City public schools. And like any teacher, I made quizzes and tests. I gave out homework assignments. When the work came back, I calculated grades.

What struck me was that I.Q. was not the only difference between my best and my worst students. Some of my strongest performers did not have stratospheric I.Q. scores. Some of my smartest kids weren’t doing so well.

And that got me thinking. The kinds of things you need to learn in seventh grade math, sure, they’re hard: ratios, decimals, the area of a parallelogram. But these concepts are not impossible, and I was firmly convinced that every one of my students could learn the material if they worked hard and long enough.

After several more years of teaching, I came to the conclusion that what we need in education is a much better understanding of students and learning from a motivational perspective, from a psychological perspective. In education, the one thing we know how to measure best is I.Q., but what if doing well in school and in life depends on much more than your ability to learn quickly and easily?

So I left the classroom, and I went to graduate school to become a psychologist. I started studying kids and adults in all kinds of super challenging settings, and in every study my question was, who is successful here and why? My research team and I went to West Point Military Academy. We tried to predict which cadets would stay in military training and which would drop out. We went to the National Spelling Bee and tried to predict which children would advance farthest in competition. We studied rookie teachers working in really tough neighborhoods, asking which teachers are still going to be here in teaching by the end of the school year, and of those, who will be the most effective at improving learning outcomes for their students? We partnered with private companies, asking, which of these salespeople is going to keep their jobs? And who’s going to earn the most money? In all those very different contexts, one characteristic emerged as a significant predictor of success. And it wasn’t social intelligence. It wasn’t good looks, physical health, and it wasn’t I.Q. It was grit.

Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

A few years ago, I started studying grit in the Chicago public schools. I asked thousands of high school juniors to take grit questionnaires, and then waited around more than a year to see who would graduate. Turns out that grittier kids were significantly more likely to graduate, even when I matched them on every characteristic I could measure, things like family income, standardized achievement test scores, even how safe kids felt when they were at school. So it’s not just at West Point or the National Spelling Bee that grit matters. It’s also in school, especially for kids at risk for dropping out. To me, the most shocking thing about grit is how little we know, how little science knows, about building it. Every day, parents and teachers ask me, “How do I build grit in kids? What do I do to teach kids a solid work ethic? How do I keep them motivated for the long run?” The honest answer is, I don’t know. (Laughter) What I do know is that talent doesn’t make you gritty. Our data show very clearly that there are many talented individuals who simply do not follow through on their commitments. In fact, in our data, grit is usually unrelated or even inversely related to measures of talent.

So far, the best idea I’ve heard about building grit in kids is something called “growth mindset.” This is an idea developed at Stanford University by Carol Dweck, and it is the belief that the ability to learn is not fixed, that it can change with your effort. Dr. Dweck has shown that when kids read and learn about the brain and how it changes and grows in response to challenge, they’re much more likely to persevere when they fail, because they don’t believe that failure is a permanent condition.

So growth mindset is a great idea for building grit. But we need more. And that’s where I’m going to end my remarks, because that’s where we are. That’s the work that stands before us. We need to take our best ideas, our strongest intuitions, and we need to test them. We need to measure whether we’ve been successful, and we have to be willing to fail, to be wrong, to start over again with lessons learned.

In other words, we need to be gritty about getting our kids grittier.

Thank you.